Interview.

I just got my first job interview after almost two months of being unemployed. Ah, the nerves! In reality, this isn't my first job interview. This is my second interview, and it is for a position that differs so much from my true nature, but it is best to learn something new, right?

To be honest, before the interview, my life was pretty bland. Nothing is exciting, and everything felt so out of place and so depressing. I guess I am really just the kind of girl who doesn't like to be inactive? Who knows. But that's how life was. The news of this job interview brought joy into my heart, knowing that this would be a chance to start anew and refresh. It is my first real job, and I swore to myself that I would try my best in it.

Unless you count being a trainee counselor as a job, I really don't have any working experience. After 3 years of studying counseling stuff, I had seem to cluster my mind only into the world of counseling, not giving it a chance to taste something outside of it. Which is pretty ironic, you know, since I am always the one who preaches and rambles on and on regarding people who did not widen their gaze and widen their scopes and interests.

Ah. I just hope this interview would go well. Because I will try my very best, far better than before. And yes, short update. Huzzahhhh!

Hospital stays

You know the thing about hospital stays for me?

It makes me reminisce the times where I took care of my late grandma. It was painful and sad to remember but other than that, it reminds me of how awesome nurses, doctors and everyone who are working in the medical field are.

Whenever I am staying at the hospital, whether for visiting purposes or to take care of someone, I would always make time to sit alone at the waiting area or go wander around in the wards and observe people. Hospitals are a nice place to observe people, because only there we are able to see people at their most vulnerable state.

I always like going to the hospital (mainly because I wanted to be a psychiatrist and work in hospitals -- but that ain't gonna happen now though), because there are so many people there. I love being in places with people, but hospitals are the best. Not because of the sick people, but just because of the pureness of the environment.

Hospitals can be very hectic sometimes (I think it would be all the time for the staff), but it is also a place to find solace -- well, that's how it is for me. You see, there's something unexplainable about hospital stays. I find it like a remedy for a broken heart, a broken soul, a broken spirit. In all my (little) experience of having to be at the hospital, I always come out from it with a higher sense of awareness about humanity.

I remember this one time I met an old lady who was at the hospital for her dialysis, and she was waiting for her son to pick her up. There was something in the way she talked that made me feel like life is all about appreciating everything, even the bad parts of it. And then while we were talking, there was this one staff who joined in as well. You see, there's nothing to be negative about when being in hospital.

There was also this one time when I was sitting outside alone, reading. It was quiet at the time, and I just needed some fresh air and some alone time. My mind was racing with thoughts, and I couldn't focus reading. At the time, there was not an atom of positivity inside my head. And then I looked around me, and I saw people with crutches, people with bandages, and there they are, still smiling. Still able to joke around and laugh.

Then I realize that life is how I perceive it to be.

Being at the hospital always reminds me about the little things in life. About being there for people. Being warm and loving. Being a person to another person. A person who shines the light in the life of others.

To all the medical staff, and hospital committee, thank you for shining us with the light of hope. Thank you for taking care of us, not only medically, but psychologically. Thank you for instilling positivity into our lives, changing our views into a wider vision and continuously giving us something to hold on to. When you're feeling tired of your work and job, remind yourself that you guys had given me a reason to keep on moving. A reason to still walk on this Earth and learn to shine for others just like how you had shined my life and gave it another breath.

PS : This is also goes to you, kakak. Congratulations on becoming a doctor, and hopefully you would be able to be a doctor for the Ummah as well!

Ho Chi Minh Trip II

I'll just let the pictures tell the story in this post today! And oh, I recommend Vietnam for your next trip! Hurhur! And no, it is not arranged in chronology. Too lazy to do that!

Inside the General Post Office.

The Cathedral, I think?

Free coconut drink after spending time at an island.

I love the food here; Out of this world!

Dusk. Well, I think so.

Urm. The opera house was it? Can't remember.

Community Hall.

The Cathedral again!

Again, inside the Post Office.

This park was beautiful!

The door was nice?

Hey, it's Ho Chi Minh city!

My mom's request.

Again. And oh, that's our tour guide's backside.

The cathedral was too beautiful to resist.

Mekong River

Mekong River

Mekong River

It was like a camp something.

Honey, honeycombs and warm tea. Delish!

Tadaaaaa~~

Post Office again. HAHAHA

Unicorn Island, I think that's the name?

We thought the building was beautiful.

Ah, Vietnam's sky.

Inside Ben Thanh Market.

Driver on the left!

Simply beautiful.

And voila! Not many pictures, but hey, there's my HCM update! Adieu!

Ho Chi Minh trip

It has been a wonderful 6 days trip to Ho Chi Minh (for a non-shopaholic like me, 6 days is really too long, since we didn't manage to venture farther beyond Saigon).

The thing about Ho Chi Minh was, I felt at home. To be honest, this wasn't the first time I went international. I went to Australia for a few months after SPM (this, I will talk about sooner or later), and it felt great to be out of Malaysia and expand my views of the world.

Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam.

I went there with my mom and my little sister. It was somewhat a birthday gift for my mom, and I had to be the tour guide. Speaking of tour guide, choose wisely. I had a great tour group. Well, it was supposed to be only us 3, but somehow the plan changed when we were invited to join into another Malaysian group. It was awesome though. I quite enjoy it.

The people of Saigon (Ho Chi Minh) really knew how to speak Malay. It was a shock to me, to be honest, at how well they can pronounce each word. Though some managed to get into Malay because of frequency, some manage to understand the language as a whole. It made me feel not far from home.

What I liked the most about Ho Chi Minh was the weather, the atmosphere and the coffee. Since I'm a coffee addict, my mom had to buy a few brands of Vietnamese coffee just for me. And to be honest, whenever she found any awesome coffee, she will automatically buy some for me, because I just love love love them! The weather there was nice. It rained once in a while, but it wasn't humid and yet the weather wasn't too cold. It was cool enough for me to enjoy every walk.

Another thing would be, I just love the architecture. Unlike Australia, I found the historical monuments and buildings in Ho Chi Minh to be very pretty and beautiful. They were created with such details, such craftmanship that I cannot help but to adore and be mesmerized. I even went twice to each building because it made me feel like as if the building is a part of my life. And it is now!

Our tour guides brought us to Cu Chi Tunnel. It was like a military place, or something. (I'm sorry, but I am really bad at remembering historical places. I can remember the name well, but not the story.) I enjoyed going there, but I am not a jungle person because insects creep me out. We also went to Mekong River and headed to -- I think I heard the name right -- Unicorn Island. It was an island adjacent to the port, and it took us only around 5 minutes to get to the boat port. And when I mean boat, I really meant sampan. As a person born in Borneo, sampan is something normal, but there was something different about the ride for me at the time.

I remember being mesmerized by that sampan ride. We were surrounded completely by only beautiful trees that I had never seen before -- or hard to see. I can still remember the joke that my tour guide told us before we went on our sampan ride : Unlike any other places where they have traffic jams on roads, we have traffic jams on this very river! Be very prepared for a massive hold-up!

It cracked us up, but it was true. We came across a standstill. It was hilarious, to be honest. After that, we went into the island and we get to taste the many wonderful tasty fruits on the island. I even bought some honey there, because it tasted so good! The island wasn't that big, but huge enough for us to venture. They even sold some souvenirs, some coconut candy (which is my favourite!) and other stuff. It was really awesome to be there, but mainly because we get to drink pure tea and taste some honeycomb honey!

Another thing that fascinated me was the position of the driver's seat. Haha. I know it's petty, but it was the first time I came across a left driver. It made sitting in the car or bus very awkward. The thing about HCM's traffic, there are more motorcycles rather than cars. Traffic jams aren't caused by cars, but rather, they are caused by motorcycles. It was a rare sight indeed!

6 days was awesome for me. Except, as I do not enjoy shopping, shopping places bore me. I enjoyed walking around Saigon, sitting at the park and watch people pass by. I simply enjoyed the views that I got from HCM.

Indeed, one day, I might go back there!

(And no, no pictures -- yet! Still too lazy to transfer any into my laptop!)

Pre-vacation

That face, though!

I'll be heading to Ho Chi Minh for a 6 days trip with my mom and little sister tomorrow. It has been awhile since we went on a vacation to a distant land, and alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah, He gave us the opportunity to go and see the world of Vietnam.

I always enjoy traveling, and I always try to enjoy it as much as I can despite my kill-joy personality. People usually dislike bringing me to go on a shopping trip or any other trip because I never enjoy it. Let's just hope my mom and little sister won't get bored with my pestering and bossy behavior during this trip. Grins.

Can't wait to go there, to be honest. I want to study the culture of other places. I've been to Australia, and now I am granted a blessing to go to Vietnam to study, see and experience their lifestyles. I envy those who get to travel a lot, because they not only get to be in new places a lot, but they get to experience a lot by traveling.

Lessons will always be learned while traveling.

Can't wait to get mine!

Biidznillah! May Allah bless our trip!

Feliz cumpleaños

Feliz cumpleaños a mi.

This date today is an anniversary of my birth. The day I came out from my mother's womb and finally able to see the world, after 9 months living inside of my mom. Sounds gross to those with a weak stomach, but that's the reality of it.

I am never a fan of celebrating birthdays. In fact, I find being alone on a birthday is much more satisfying than having a feast or any kind of celebration. I am a joy-killer by nature. I do not enjoy social gatherings, though I always love to watch society works. It's just how I was raised. I had been a loner for as long as I can remember, and though solitude can sometimes be scary, but it brings more calm than calamity.

The sky always makes me feel better.

What makes this year's birthday different?

This is the same question I ask every year on this date, and up until now, the answers are always the same : Nothing. Except I've grown a little, but am I growing up?

I find birthdays as a means to ponder about the purpose of life. And being as jobless as I currently am at the moment, the answers to all those pondering are really depressing. Being born into this world means we should do something in it. For all I know, my time on this world may be short. That's not for me to decide, but I have full control on what I can do to fulfill my time.

This year I'm turning 21. Ah. The ripening age of 21.

I am neither a teenager or an adult; I'm in between. 21 of age, and I am still thinking about many things. But everyone knows that I always over-think about everything (thus, my sometimes insomnia problems). I do say, though, that in this way, I am different from others. And I would definitely not change how it is.

23 May.

Today I thank many people in my life for molding me into what I am today. Though I still struggle with my own racing thoughts and doubts, I am still alive with the help of the encouraging words of others. No man is an island, my school counselor used to advice me. At 21 of age, I still have a dream to chase. I've questioned myself a lot about that dream, not because I don't believe in myself, but rather the question goes whether as to why in the first place I implemented that dream into my life?

You see, birthdays are a day where we question our progress and looking at our charts of advances in life. It is a day filled with endless thoughts on how to improve, how to avoid further mistakes, how to not repeat mistakes, how to be better. Most importantly, it is a day where we begin to appreciate time even more than ever. It is a day where our whole life would flash in front of us and we begin to learn to smile remembering those memories. Some memories might even make us shed a tear or two, but on this very day, through those tears, you thank Allah for giving it to you.

I believe everything happens for a reason.

I believe everyone is special and unique in their own ways.

And I have this one dream :

I want people to see that they are special and unique, flaws and all.

And that, my friend, are my thoughts on this very day today.

23 May. Happy birthday to me. Feliz cumpleaños a mi.

Happy Teachers' Day

16 May.
Teachers' Day. Just like Mothers' Day, I think everyday is a day to appreciate them. Every single day is their day.

I find all my teachers (including my lecturers) extraordinary. They managed to create serenity in any calamity. They had taught me the meaning of patience, the meaning of to keep moving, to keep on believing. Being a student as I was before, I now finally understood why my teachers do what they did. I have my teachers to thank for everything.

People think that being a teacher is easy, but it is not. They're not just teaching our children, but they are helping us to mold them into bright figures for the nation's future. For the world's future. They act as our secondary parents, enlightening us with meaningful humors filled with a lifetime worth of lessons. Their words may pierce our hearts once in a while, but believe me, every stab of their words leaves a mark that will eternally etched in our hearts.

And I find it is awesome that we have a specific day for them, a specific day for us to show them our gratitude, because in any other days, we are just too ignorant and too selfish to do that. So, on 16th May, every year, I thank my teachers for all the life lessons, for the supports, for the love that they had given me. For without them, alongside my family, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Selfishness always brings great outcomes

Everyone have that one teacher who managed to break into their hearts and change them into the person they are today. I am not excluded. As we grow older, we begin to appreciate them more and more because we are learning a lot with each step and with each step their faces just pops up in our minds. Alongside our family, teachers have this unique and special ability that enables us to be a beneficial person. Despite the heartbreak that they have to go through each day, teaching us endless mathematical formulas, conducting scientific experiments, encouraging us to be bold and do public speaking and et cetra, they still believe that we can be a person far better than they are.

I can boldly say that, if my teachers hadn't done what they did before, if they hadn't supported me when I had enough of life, then I know I won't be the person I am today. They soften and tamed my heart and made me look at life in a different perspective. I am grateful and thankful because of that.

They are annoying, but that's their job. We can't blame them. We just need to remember that teachers are not miracle workers. They are not angels, but they're humans just like us. And, I can not emphasize this enough, they have their own personality, their own flaws. It is plausible enough for them to try and mold us into wonderful people that we are today.

Appreciate, love and cherish your teachers. They sacrificed their everything to make us into wonderful somethings. Thank you, teachers.

Thank you for everything. Smiles.

Some randomness

You know how life manage to screw you up in many ways?

Well, that's how it is for me, each and every single day. Life is playing around with me. My brain and heart keeps playing a weird beat, like as if it's on a really long and exhausting roller coaster ride. There are times where happy days stay, and I would feel elevated throughout the whole day, but there are also days where darkness and dark clouds surrounds me and I feel demotivated to no end. It's funny though, because I somehow feel like as if I am a teenager trying to figure out what is wrong with the world and what is wrong with myself.

Little do people know, though, that even as a young adult as I am now, I am still looking for my one and true identity. Many people seems to find that weird, but probably because most of them had never experienced what I am currently facing. Then again, I don't think anyone is experiencing what I am experiencing (well, not anyone that I know that is!).

My adolescent days were also spent searching and digging, but up until now, I am still unable to figure out the outcome. I found no clues, I found no evidence of anything existing within the ground of my own personality. Even if I take a gazillion personality tests, I know that there is something missing somewhere.

I've always admired and praise the personality questionnaire that we usually use during college ie Junior's Personality Questionnaire. It divides personality into 4 temperaments and categorize each 2 in either the introvert section or the extrovert section. I've done the questionnaire to other people many times, and most of the time my (so-called) clients always lands on the sanguine personality. I always admired people who lands on sanguine, because they always accept it immediately as their personality. And reading about their temperament makes me giddy and all smiles, because I had always wanted to be like one of them.

Now, the thing about temperaments is that it can be affected by our current life. Like, for instance, the first time my friend took the questionnaire, she got sanguine, and then a few months after that, while going through a huge life crisis, she got melancholic. So, basically, I never recommend anyone to take the questionnaire during their lowest or highest point in life.

Back to the main topic.

Like I said, even if I take a gazillion tests, I would always question myself more and more. It's like walking and living life without knowing who you are and what are your purposes.

It's also like looking in a mirror and not see your reflection.

I guess I need to keep on looking and digging...

It'll turn up sooner or later...