Feliz cumpleaños

Feliz cumpleaños a mi.

This date today is an anniversary of my birth. The day I came out from my mother's womb and finally able to see the world, after 9 months living inside of my mom. Sounds gross to those with a weak stomach, but that's the reality of it.

I am never a fan of celebrating birthdays. In fact, I find being alone on a birthday is much more satisfying than having a feast or any kind of celebration. I am a joy-killer by nature. I do not enjoy social gatherings, though I always love to watch society works. It's just how I was raised. I had been a loner for as long as I can remember, and though solitude can sometimes be scary, but it brings more calm than calamity.

The sky always makes me feel better.

What makes this year's birthday different?

This is the same question I ask every year on this date, and up until now, the answers are always the same : Nothing. Except I've grown a little, but am I growing up?

I find birthdays as a means to ponder about the purpose of life. And being as jobless as I currently am at the moment, the answers to all those pondering are really depressing. Being born into this world means we should do something in it. For all I know, my time on this world may be short. That's not for me to decide, but I have full control on what I can do to fulfill my time.

This year I'm turning 21. Ah. The ripening age of 21.

I am neither a teenager or an adult; I'm in between. 21 of age, and I am still thinking about many things. But everyone knows that I always over-think about everything (thus, my sometimes insomnia problems). I do say, though, that in this way, I am different from others. And I would definitely not change how it is.

23 May.

Today I thank many people in my life for molding me into what I am today. Though I still struggle with my own racing thoughts and doubts, I am still alive with the help of the encouraging words of others. No man is an island, my school counselor used to advice me. At 21 of age, I still have a dream to chase. I've questioned myself a lot about that dream, not because I don't believe in myself, but rather the question goes whether as to why in the first place I implemented that dream into my life?

You see, birthdays are a day where we question our progress and looking at our charts of advances in life. It is a day filled with endless thoughts on how to improve, how to avoid further mistakes, how to not repeat mistakes, how to be better. Most importantly, it is a day where we begin to appreciate time even more than ever. It is a day where our whole life would flash in front of us and we begin to learn to smile remembering those memories. Some memories might even make us shed a tear or two, but on this very day, through those tears, you thank Allah for giving it to you.

I believe everything happens for a reason.

I believe everyone is special and unique in their own ways.

And I have this one dream :

I want people to see that they are special and unique, flaws and all.

And that, my friend, are my thoughts on this very day today.

23 May. Happy birthday to me. Feliz cumpleaños a mi.