Pre-vacation

That face, though!

I'll be heading to Ho Chi Minh for a 6 days trip with my mom and little sister tomorrow. It has been awhile since we went on a vacation to a distant land, and alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah, He gave us the opportunity to go and see the world of Vietnam.

I always enjoy traveling, and I always try to enjoy it as much as I can despite my kill-joy personality. People usually dislike bringing me to go on a shopping trip or any other trip because I never enjoy it. Let's just hope my mom and little sister won't get bored with my pestering and bossy behavior during this trip. Grins.

Can't wait to go there, to be honest. I want to study the culture of other places. I've been to Australia, and now I am granted a blessing to go to Vietnam to study, see and experience their lifestyles. I envy those who get to travel a lot, because they not only get to be in new places a lot, but they get to experience a lot by traveling.

Lessons will always be learned while traveling.

Can't wait to get mine!

Biidznillah! May Allah bless our trip!

Feliz cumpleaños

Feliz cumpleaños a mi.

This date today is an anniversary of my birth. The day I came out from my mother's womb and finally able to see the world, after 9 months living inside of my mom. Sounds gross to those with a weak stomach, but that's the reality of it.

I am never a fan of celebrating birthdays. In fact, I find being alone on a birthday is much more satisfying than having a feast or any kind of celebration. I am a joy-killer by nature. I do not enjoy social gatherings, though I always love to watch society works. It's just how I was raised. I had been a loner for as long as I can remember, and though solitude can sometimes be scary, but it brings more calm than calamity.

The sky always makes me feel better.

What makes this year's birthday different?

This is the same question I ask every year on this date, and up until now, the answers are always the same : Nothing. Except I've grown a little, but am I growing up?

I find birthdays as a means to ponder about the purpose of life. And being as jobless as I currently am at the moment, the answers to all those pondering are really depressing. Being born into this world means we should do something in it. For all I know, my time on this world may be short. That's not for me to decide, but I have full control on what I can do to fulfill my time.

This year I'm turning 21. Ah. The ripening age of 21.

I am neither a teenager or an adult; I'm in between. 21 of age, and I am still thinking about many things. But everyone knows that I always over-think about everything (thus, my sometimes insomnia problems). I do say, though, that in this way, I am different from others. And I would definitely not change how it is.

23 May.

Today I thank many people in my life for molding me into what I am today. Though I still struggle with my own racing thoughts and doubts, I am still alive with the help of the encouraging words of others. No man is an island, my school counselor used to advice me. At 21 of age, I still have a dream to chase. I've questioned myself a lot about that dream, not because I don't believe in myself, but rather the question goes whether as to why in the first place I implemented that dream into my life?

You see, birthdays are a day where we question our progress and looking at our charts of advances in life. It is a day filled with endless thoughts on how to improve, how to avoid further mistakes, how to not repeat mistakes, how to be better. Most importantly, it is a day where we begin to appreciate time even more than ever. It is a day where our whole life would flash in front of us and we begin to learn to smile remembering those memories. Some memories might even make us shed a tear or two, but on this very day, through those tears, you thank Allah for giving it to you.

I believe everything happens for a reason.

I believe everyone is special and unique in their own ways.

And I have this one dream :

I want people to see that they are special and unique, flaws and all.

And that, my friend, are my thoughts on this very day today.

23 May. Happy birthday to me. Feliz cumpleaños a mi.

Happy Teachers' Day

16 May.
Teachers' Day. Just like Mothers' Day, I think everyday is a day to appreciate them. Every single day is their day.

I find all my teachers (including my lecturers) extraordinary. They managed to create serenity in any calamity. They had taught me the meaning of patience, the meaning of to keep moving, to keep on believing. Being a student as I was before, I now finally understood why my teachers do what they did. I have my teachers to thank for everything.

People think that being a teacher is easy, but it is not. They're not just teaching our children, but they are helping us to mold them into bright figures for the nation's future. For the world's future. They act as our secondary parents, enlightening us with meaningful humors filled with a lifetime worth of lessons. Their words may pierce our hearts once in a while, but believe me, every stab of their words leaves a mark that will eternally etched in our hearts.

And I find it is awesome that we have a specific day for them, a specific day for us to show them our gratitude, because in any other days, we are just too ignorant and too selfish to do that. So, on 16th May, every year, I thank my teachers for all the life lessons, for the supports, for the love that they had given me. For without them, alongside my family, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Selfishness always brings great outcomes

Everyone have that one teacher who managed to break into their hearts and change them into the person they are today. I am not excluded. As we grow older, we begin to appreciate them more and more because we are learning a lot with each step and with each step their faces just pops up in our minds. Alongside our family, teachers have this unique and special ability that enables us to be a beneficial person. Despite the heartbreak that they have to go through each day, teaching us endless mathematical formulas, conducting scientific experiments, encouraging us to be bold and do public speaking and et cetra, they still believe that we can be a person far better than they are.

I can boldly say that, if my teachers hadn't done what they did before, if they hadn't supported me when I had enough of life, then I know I won't be the person I am today. They soften and tamed my heart and made me look at life in a different perspective. I am grateful and thankful because of that.

They are annoying, but that's their job. We can't blame them. We just need to remember that teachers are not miracle workers. They are not angels, but they're humans just like us. And, I can not emphasize this enough, they have their own personality, their own flaws. It is plausible enough for them to try and mold us into wonderful people that we are today.

Appreciate, love and cherish your teachers. They sacrificed their everything to make us into wonderful somethings. Thank you, teachers.

Thank you for everything. Smiles.

Some randomness

You know how life manage to screw you up in many ways?

Well, that's how it is for me, each and every single day. Life is playing around with me. My brain and heart keeps playing a weird beat, like as if it's on a really long and exhausting roller coaster ride. There are times where happy days stay, and I would feel elevated throughout the whole day, but there are also days where darkness and dark clouds surrounds me and I feel demotivated to no end. It's funny though, because I somehow feel like as if I am a teenager trying to figure out what is wrong with the world and what is wrong with myself.

Little do people know, though, that even as a young adult as I am now, I am still looking for my one and true identity. Many people seems to find that weird, but probably because most of them had never experienced what I am currently facing. Then again, I don't think anyone is experiencing what I am experiencing (well, not anyone that I know that is!).

My adolescent days were also spent searching and digging, but up until now, I am still unable to figure out the outcome. I found no clues, I found no evidence of anything existing within the ground of my own personality. Even if I take a gazillion personality tests, I know that there is something missing somewhere.

I've always admired and praise the personality questionnaire that we usually use during college ie Junior's Personality Questionnaire. It divides personality into 4 temperaments and categorize each 2 in either the introvert section or the extrovert section. I've done the questionnaire to other people many times, and most of the time my (so-called) clients always lands on the sanguine personality. I always admired people who lands on sanguine, because they always accept it immediately as their personality. And reading about their temperament makes me giddy and all smiles, because I had always wanted to be like one of them.

Now, the thing about temperaments is that it can be affected by our current life. Like, for instance, the first time my friend took the questionnaire, she got sanguine, and then a few months after that, while going through a huge life crisis, she got melancholic. So, basically, I never recommend anyone to take the questionnaire during their lowest or highest point in life.

Back to the main topic.

Like I said, even if I take a gazillion tests, I would always question myself more and more. It's like walking and living life without knowing who you are and what are your purposes.

It's also like looking in a mirror and not see your reflection.

I guess I need to keep on looking and digging...

It'll turn up sooner or later...