The realization.

The month of January is coming to its end. A whole month has passed in the year 2015. How time flies. And only at this very point had I come to realizing that I am actually wasting my time. I may have my resolutions, but procrastination isn't going to help me get there. In fact, all these procrastination will only gonna slow things down for me. Or worse, it may also be the first step of my complete failure. It depends on the depths of my procrastination scheme.

Year 3 - Bandar Hilir

I want to make 2015 meaningful. I want to make 2015 the first step of my dreams. A step closer towards my dreams. In approximately 3 months from now, my diploma days will end and I have to face the unknown as a future. A future that I can not foretell nor to even foresee. And when that happens, I have to prepare myself for what's going to happen, whether it is something that I can expect or something that I can not expect.

At this age, I know I have to start growing up and learn to be mature. In the aspect of maturity, age is not the key here, but rather the key here is mentality. Through these 3 years of college, I had learned from many people the true meaning of maturity. And through these 3 years, I had compared myself greatly with others, noticing my flaws with every comparison. And yes, as compared to them, I have a lot to improve myself on. Somehow, I feel so left behind from them. And I noticed how awesome my friends and classmates are.

Despite having to accept myself as awesome, the irony is, I am not. But, my teacher once told me : You have to convince the greatness of yourself to yourself first before you can convince others of it, and also, before others are really convinced.

And so, I just hope this realization is really a trigger for a complete makeover for myself.

"I convince myself that I am awesome before others are convinced. Why? Because, I am."

The sky

I remember when I was 16 (I think), I watched a Japanese drama entitled Koizora (Sky of Love). It was a wonderful show, about how pure and faithful their love was. But, I'm not here to make a review of the drama, but I'm here to talk about something else that intrigues me regarding the topic. And no, not a topic discussing about love, if that's what you're thinking. Eheh! Oy!

I was actually referring to the sky. You know, if you want to know something about me, then this one fact is really significant : I love the sky. I love looking at it, I love every bit of it. I don't like plane rides, but whenever I'm on a plane, I can't help it but to feel happy and okay about the ride. (No, seriously, plane rides are scary!! Ugh!) It's okay, just as long as I can see the clouds, and it's okay, just as long as I can be a part of the sky. The sky is truly beautiful.

Every time I look up at the vast blue sky, with its patches of clouds, I can't help it but to feel calm. I remember when I was 13, I was given a chance to go to Kuching's meteoric -- well, I don't know what the place is called, but they studied clouds and formations of clouds or something like that. Meteorology, or was it something like that? Anyway, like I was saying, ever since that trip, I fell in love with the sky because of its uniqueness and awesomeness.

2012 : Kiama, Australia

As I grew older, I began to see life more clearly and slowly, the reality and truth about life starts to unfold. There was a death in my family when I was 16, and ever since that day, I began to see life differently. It's just because that the person was someone that I was closed with, and it affected me a lot. I remember listening 'When I Look To The Sky' when I was sad and missing the person a lot. But, somehow, whenever I looked at the sky at the time, I felt like as if the person was still ever so close and near to me. Then, the next year, I, yet again, had to dealt with another death in the family, and this time, it was someone who was very, very close with me. The death had caused me a terrible amount of grief. Anyway, I'm not going into details about this. Let's just say that, now, whenever I feel like I miss them, I would always look up at the sky, and somehow my hurt is at ease.

Now that I've grown even older, I'm beginning to see the true reasoning as to why Allah created the sky -- well, at least in my point of view, that is! As of now, whenever I feel sad or lonely, or life's too tough, I look up and breathe in the magnificent view of the sky. The sky makes me realize that Allah is ever so close and near, and just by gazing up on the sky, I feel loved and cared for. The sky isn't always a vast blue beauty, but there are also times where the sky would turn grey and scary. But no matter, I still find that the sky is wonderful. When it turns grey, it reminds me that it is normal to have a life filled with problems and vulnerability. And when it rains, it always reminds me that it is normal to cry once in a while. Because after the rainstorm, the sun will come out again, and the sky always turns blue again. That's how beautiful the sky is.

And that's how I want to view my life as. I want to view life as the vast blue sky filled with abundance of beauty. I want to be able to keep moving, and to keep being beautiful like the sky. To spread its vastness to no end and make anyone smile during their toughest battles and storms. I want to be there like how its clouds are always there to shelter us from the heat of the sun. I want to be like the sky, always praising Allah and being thankful always. The sky is magnificent.

Look at the sky, and see.
Isn't this life filled with beauty?
The clouds are always white and puffy,
sometimes it turns grey and look scary.
And that is life, can't you see?
Giving us colours of the rainbow, magnificently.
Like I told you once, two times or three,
Allah is always there for you and for me.
Also, the sun will always shine so brightly,
just like how life can get a little cloudy.
But, don't fret, don't worry,
because that is life just showing its beauty.
So, smile, my dear, smile prettily,
shed those tears if you must, but dry them quickly.
Look up at the sky, and see.
This life is just an abundance of beauty.
Put your head high and smile prettily,
remember always, remember this wholeheartedly:
Allah is always there for you and for me.
Always, and that's a guarantee!

Sometimes all we have to do is to take a moment, breathe in and savour the beauty of life around us. Take some time to appreciate nature, and be okay again. Remember that always, Mardyati. Remember that always!

Which path?

I am indeed in an age where the future is very important and in need of precise and severe planning. Without plans and effort, almost anyone can foretold the future as somewhat disastrous. It has been told by many that a future for the sake of money isn't worth the plan at all -- in fact, to even contemplate on the idea of just how to gain money for a future is indeed ridiculous... At least, that's what many has advised me (and I am quite thankful for that advice!).

I had always dreamt of becoming a writer. It was also a dream of mine to become a psychiatrist, but due to circumstantial reasons, that dream is only just a dream now. I'm not giving up just yet, though. As of now, the only dream I have is to become a clinical psychologist. But, even if I were to only become a fully-licensed counselor, even that would suffice. Everyone have their own dreams, goals, ambitions, and I am not one to be excluded.

I've watched the Bollywood movie "3 Idiots" the other day, and it somehow made me think about all these talks about goals, dreams, and ambitions. Just like in the movie, we are never excluded in the system where our future has been designed and has been planned for us before we could even crawl. I have a friend whose parents had told her that she needs to be a doctor, because ever since she was born, her parents had set their minds into making that little baby into a doctor. And she grew up with only a doctor's profession in mind. I don't blame her for it, and in fact, I did not say that it is wrong to follow what our parents wants us to be, because if it is something that you yourself wants, then go for it! Strive hard for it.

But, what if your parents wants you to become a doctor, and you wanted to become a writer? Or a teacher? Then, what would you do? In fact, what would we be able to do? Some families are supportive. I have another friend who had the same endeavour as the friend I stated above. But, unlike friend A, friend B wanted to become an artist. The difference between friend A and B are their interests and passion. Friend A has a passion for medicine whereas friend B has a burning passion for arts. Both friend A and friend B's parents wanted them to become a doctor, or to excel in the field of science and engineering. Friend A went into the path because that is her goal, so she really has no conflicts whatsoever in the matter, but as for friend B, she went into arts and designs despite having to go against her parents. It took her family quite some time to adjust with her decisions, but the aftermath of this was that friend B excelled awesomely in the field, and so did friend A.

What I'm trying to say is, what others want us to be doesn't matter at all. What matters most is what we want to be. We are the writers of our own life, not other people. Not even our parents. Parents are supposedly to be supportive. True, parents have the power to dictate our lives, and they do know what's best for our future. But, we are humans, and we are all born in a diversity. We are all different. Each and every single one of us have different passions, different goals.

As for me, no one expected me to want or to even dream in becoming a psychologist or even a counselor. But, that did not stop me. In fact, when other people belittled my dream, it ignites my passion even more. I have a junior in college, and that junior battled hard with his parents just because he wanted to become a counselor. To his parents, taking counseling won't determine a bright future for him, but he did not cared. He told his parents that he would strive for it and prove them wrong. At last, his parents gave up and let him do what he wants, but his parents still pester him about being a counselor, about how a career in counseling won't bring him joy and prosperity in the future.

So, keep on dreaming! And never stop trying.
Allah SWT is with the expectations of His creations. If you expect success in your life, then He will fulfill it for you, for Allah is the Most Loving.

1st Jan : A new chapter!

Ah! Finally, a new year! Hello, 2015!

A new year means a new post, and here it is! A new year also means new resolutions, new goals to set and achieve. A new year also means that I am a year older than last year, but the question now is, in what terms of aging am I? A new year also means that my graduation day is just a few months away, and my diploma days will soon be over. How time really flies when you're having fun, ay?

Ah! When you talk about time, it reminds me of Meet The Robinsons. Have you watched it? It's really an interesting cartoon. (Somehow this post sounds like my post HERE about Kung Fu Panda. Eheh!) Just like Kung Fu Panda, Meet The Robinsons is also a cartoon that I love and I never get tired of watching. If you haven't watch it, I recommend you to watch it.

After watching Meet The Robinsons, I realized that I am that similar to Lewis (or also known as Cornelius Robinson further along the story). Life for Lewis didn't start out to be a happy one. His mother left him at the doorstep of an orphanage when he was still a baby, and soon after he grew, he had met with many couples who wanted to adopt, but ended up always rejected. You see, unlike any other children, Lewis was different; He was one of a kind. He has a mind of a genius and at a young age, not many couple agreed and saw eye-to-eye with Lewis. This, made Lewis depressed and finally gave up on the whole adoption thing.

Anyway, the story continues with Wilbur coming to take Lewis to fix the future, yappity yappity yap... What I'm trying to say is, in the story, Lewis had encountered many failure and had come to the decision of giving up as a resort. But, the Robinsons finally showed him that failure is one key to success, and through that failure, he will be able to learn something and make improvements. But, most of all, the Robinsons taught Lewis that whatever happens, he needs to keep moving forward.

"Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious... And curiousity keeps leading us down new paths."

So, how 'bout it? Let's keep moving forward! That's my new resolution for this new year : Keep moving forward!
How 'bout yours? Wink.