Day 4, week 5.

It's day 4 of week 5 of practicum, which means, it has been 5 weeks since I'm in UiTM KBM. It has been 5 weeks that me and Mira has worked as a trainee counselor. 5 weeks has passed, can you believe that?

I still can't believe I can call myself as a trainee counselor. I remember the first day I went to UiTM KBM to work as a trainee counselor. I was scared and nervous. Why? Well, I was scared and nervous to meet my supervisor and be a part of an organization since, well, UiTM is basically a huge organization with many branches throughout Malaysia. But in the end, I was proven wrong when I  met with many wonderful staffs and the majority of my time was spent with complete ease with their company and presence. The warm welcoming was enough to make anyone smile and never frown.

I remember my first year as a counseling student. I remember people telling me that I was ridiculous in pursuing my dream in becoming a psychologist, but I brushed the comments off and pursued my dream anyway. And never once did I ever regret my decision. True, there are times where I would doubt myself about it, but in the end, I would always get back on track and still move forward with it. You see, counseling or psychology has been a huge dream for me. Well, it wasn't exactly that -- I was aiming to become a psychiatrist before, but I failed in that. But the failure in becoming a psychiatrist has opened up the doors that will lead me to become a psychologist or a counselor, and I will use this chance wisely to learn and improve myself. I will never let go of this opportunity.

Believe, and you're halfway there!

That's how life is, you know. When you encounter failure, don't dwell on it. Instead, look beyond it and learn from it. I've encountered many failures in my life, and I've dwelt on some before, but I've learned my lesson. Dwelling on it won't get me anywhere in life. In fact, it would only hold you from growing and make you depressed. There's a quote by Helen Keller that I love :
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."

I am not lying about it either. We often dwell and linger on our failures that we forget that success is never-ending and failure is not (and never) the ending. In fact, I've learned this the hard way. The prolonged depression that I felt when I failed before was enough to hit me in the head and to go back to square one. It is never too late to go back to square one. All we have to do is to just believe that the failure that we've encountered means that another door of opportunity and chance for success has been opened. And even if the door leads to another failure, keep on believing until you come across the right door which leads to a path of your desired success.

It's going to be my second semester of year 3 this December (sixth semester all in all). And for the past 3 years, I had met with many people that had taught me the true definition of life and what and how to gain contentment from what life has to offer. I learned so many new things that I even forgot how I was before coming to this college. I am able to smile gleefully and happily now without having the slightest regret of what my pasts hold. I've dealt with heartbreak along the way too, and I've laughed till I cried with many occurrences. In fact, I've encountered all the possible emotions there is, and yet I am still alive and that what makes it more memorable.

I guess this is what my school counselor used to tell me when I was 16. She said : "Taking counseling as a course has changed me and my views of life. I went back to square one and began a new life. I found a new breath of life. It felt like a wonderful transition from a broken me to a new and enjoyable me. I finally say the light at the end of the tunnel and I fought hard to gain that light. I had never regretted this decision ever. True, life has been an up and down ride for me, but rather than to be depressed, I finally am able to change my views toward life and change depression into contentment. I am happy now, and I won't stop believing. You will feel this too, one day. I am sure of it!"

It has been 4 years since she said that to me, but I still remember every word and every moment I've spent with her. And my enthusiasm to pursue my dream increased profusely. And now, I will never regret this decision. This is the transition that I need. This is that new breath. All I have to do now is to keep on believing.

Week 1 as a trainee counselor

Day 4 of week 5.

I am happy. I am enjoying life. I want to face my fears. I want to believe. I want to be positive. I want to be there for people. I want to love everyone. I want to be a person of good influence. I want to be a new me. I want to learn to be independent. I want to be me. I've learned about how change takes time and determination. I've learned about the importance of having a dream to stick and to chase. I've learned to love those whom I just met and who I've already met wholeheartedly. I've learned to stay positive -- especially during critical moments where anxiousness can easily set in. Most importantly, I've learned to look into many matters of life in the spectacles of a true Muslim!

And I won't stop believing. Because I know I can.

Day 4 of week 5. I will always cherish all the days I've spent and all the days I will spent, and most importantly, I will cherish the days I am spending. I am sad to leave UiTM, not because my semester 5 results are out next month, but because I've grown to love and miss UiTM with every passing second that I'm in UiTM. But, life has to move on. I'm going to miss them a lot.

Life is beautiful, can't you see?
With all the joy, sorrow and calamity.
But never fear, never worry,
never ever feel sorry.
Because life is a long story,
that we write about our journey.
It is never stagnant, nor scary.
Because life is all about beauty.
Open your eyes wide so you can see,
that we have a life that's temporary.
We strive hard to gain the eternity,
not for a life that's temporary.
If you stray, you'll be in a quandary,
so go back to Him, and He'll end your misery.
With His power, He is the Almighty,
able to change strength from your vulnerability.
With that I give you a guarantee,
a complete and strong certainty!
Life is always beautiful, can't you see?
With its joy, sorrow and calamity.

The person I am today is not the person I was yesterday.
Because I have a dream. That's a certainty! How about you?