Graduation Day

Finally an alumni!

On the 10th of September 2015, I finally took my last leap in my diploma days ie my graduation day. Believe me, the road leading me to this success was treacherous and rough, but alhamdulillah, all praises only to Allah, He helped and guided me to make it through even the toughest of storm.

3 years studying for a diploma in counseling was actually hard for me. It is not that I am not interested in the field, because believe me, I would exchange nothing for this opportunity to be able to study (it may not be psychology, but at least it's something very close!) counseling and learn the steps of what my school counselors had gone through. I found the reason why my school counselors behaved like how they were, and slowly, I almost became them. In a good way, you know. A very good way.

During those 3 years of struggling, I did not just suffered physically, having to deal with being sick far away from my family, and whatnot, but I also suffered psychologically. In psychological terms, I almost did not made it through, you know. In that period of 3 years, I had fallen a lot. I did not stumble or stagger, but I fell and went deep inside a dark hole. I was barely able to breathe and believe me, you have no idea how much tears I've shed and how very miserable I felt during my dark days.

I sound depressed; maybe I am, but I survived every step of it. There was one time during my third semester that I suffered a terrible anxiety attack that has caused me to be severely depressed. Those days were not known by anyone, and I feel like I need to share it with the world, because denying that it happened would be only causing pain than relief. I believe that there was a reason to that terrible breakdown. It had caused me to lose interest and focus, and I spent many days isolating myself from my friends and housemates. The thing was, I had made such many wonderful friends at college that despite them not knowing anything, they had given me enough strength to let me get a grip of myself and to continue living. I thank them for that.

After 3 years, I am able to understand the fundamentals of the human psychology, and slowly emphasize myself to becoming, acting and thinking like a counselor. I had changed my perspectives in many things. I was always told that I was a pessimist, and despite I still have some thoughts that aren't good, I am still walking and trying my best to survive each and every day.

I am a counseling diploma graduate, and when others see us learning counseling to counsel others, we are actually learning to define ourselves first. 3 years of studying counseling, 3 years of enduring pain, heartbreak, disappointment, frustration, sadness and joy. 3 years were spent learning and researching about all these emotions. 3 years were spent learning about my flaws, learning the reason why I act the way I act. 3 years were spent soul searching and 3 years were spent awesomely exiting the dark tunnel from the past.

Graduation day isn't only a celebratory event for accomplishing 3 years of studies, but it is also a day of congratulatory for us achieving a new phase of life. A new perspective of life that the old us had never knew existed. Supposedly, these 3 years were years that should be etched and cherished for eternity.

Ah! I am rambling.

Brother. And wife.

Complete.

Almost everyone know how close I am with my brother. I had spent most of my time growing up being with him, always being by his side and looking up to him in many ways. It is not that I am not close with my other siblings, but most of it was actually spent with him.

When I was a little girl, at around the age of 6 or 7, he was the one who taught me how to ride a two-wheeler, abandoning my third wheel. It was the best feeling ever, being able to achieve something for the first time. I remember running to the kitchen and told my mom about it, and went back outside to play with my brother. At that time, we usually go outside to play, me on the bicycle, my brother on his roller blade, and my sister... Well, she was still a baby at the time.

Then, at the age of 9, he brought me into the realms of online gaming. Ah. I remember our first online game, it was Dragon Raja Online. I, as per usual, played the priest while he played thief. And our outside days seem to disappear just like that. Haha. I guess we are geeky brother and sister. Then he introduced me into many other games, like Gates Of Heaven, Knights Online, and so on. We spent most of our time in DRO or in Ragnarok Online.

Sometimes he would just bully me in-game, and sometimes also he denies that I was his little sister while in-game, which is hilarious, to be honest, when I think back about it now. It was ridiculous how much time we spent just with games. He was also the one who introduced comedy, like Whose Line Is It Anyway?, The Big Bang Theory and so on. He introduced many things to me, like his love for music. I remember trying to learn how to play one of his songs on the piano (and I still fail up to this day) and from that moment onward, he would still play the piano, ask me to record for him sometimes, and sometimes just shares videos with me.

Photo credit : The MYTP

Many things I have shared with my one and only brother, and he is irreplaceable by so many means. I sound like an overly-attached little sister, because I am. I don't mean to sound so mushy-mush, but I am not ashamed nor embarrassed of the reality of this, and I could really tell this story any other day, but today is a special day, and I will tell you why.

24th of July 2015.

Today, my brother is successfully a married man. Married to a beautiful and marvelously awesome lady, and thank Allah for granting him the happiness to be married to the woman that he loves dearly. It is remarkably not weird if I didn't get emotional on this very day, because my brother is an awesome man. Despite everything, he is still standing and the same brother that I know and love.

Photo credit : The MYTP

Today my beloved brother will embark onto a new world filled with new responsibilities and today he is no longer a single man. He now has a wife that loves him dearly, and a new set of family. With his solemnization ended just now, he now is a husband, but forever he will be my brother. A brother that I look up to, a brother for me to love and care. And to top it off, this brother of mine introduced a new wonderful person into our lives, and now I am able to call her my beloved sister-in-law. A person who had successfully brought happiness and contentment into my brother's life. And with that said, praise to Allah for this moment. For all the moments.

Congratulations, abang! And welcome to the family, kak Sue!

We all love you both a lot, and your happiness means a lot to us. May Allah bless and shower your marriage with grace and love, and may your love of each other bounds together to go hand in hand towards Jannah. I love you both, and I really mean it.

Sincerely,

your overly-attached little sister.

Book review : Gone For Good

Gone For Good - Harlan Coben

Title : Gone For Good

Author : Harlan Coben

Edition : Paperback

No. of pages : 383

Goodreads rating : 4.09 out of 5

My rating : 4 out of 5

Book synopsis :

Will Klein lost his brother and the love of his life on the same day. Eleven years ago, Will's ex-girlfriend was found brutally murdered. The prime suspect : Will's brother, Ken. With overwhelming evidence against him, Ken disappeared and his family believed he was gone for good.

Over a decade later, Will is still convinced of his brother's innocence. And when the new woman in his life disappears, Will is pulled into a dark and violent mystery. He can feel himself coming closer and closer to a terrible secret, a secret someone will do anything to keep buried. And, as the lies begin to unravel, Will uncovers startling truths about his lover, his brother and even himself...

My review :

When I first picked up this book, I had expected it to be like any other crime-based book : There's going to be an obvious protagonist, an obvious antagonist and an obvious crime and story-line. I had expected reflection from either the protagonist or the antagonist, but this book went beyond my expectations. In fact, it made me pace my room with excitement and anticipation.

"He's alive."

Those were her exact words. And if they were true, I didn't know if it would be a good thing or bad.

Harlan Coben is indeed the King of plot twist, and indeed, this book really is worth its wonderful reviews from people. With every turn of events, I held my breath and my mind was filled with many expectations, but Coben wonderfully created a plot that I can never in my right mind can think of. This book focuses on Will Klein and the mysteries of his past that involves his brother, Ken Klein.

A decade passed, and Will is still certain of the innocence of his brother, until his current girlfriend was also murdered. (Sorry, a small spoiler.) To be painstakingly honest, I never really had a closure for the bond of Julie Miller and the Ghost. I was a little bit disappointed on the method of revelation towards the ending of the book for I had expected some more action-filled revelation kind of thing. (I am a fan of action filled stuff, you know.)

But then again, this book really did challenged me in my knowledge of psychology and criminology. I had tried to really involve many kind of theory, practicing my own understanding, but I had failed in many ways for this book. I understand that the Ghost is, well, like his name due to his upbringing, but the plot twist made me speechless and just gasp in awe at the magnificent way Coben led the plot. It is challenging indeed!

What made me really love this book was when Will found a really crucial evidence from the Julie Miller's case. From then on I began to change my perspective about many characters. Judging my own judgements, and in the end, the character that I had despised from the beginning began to change into my favourite character.

WORK!

So, here's an update from my life!

It's my second week of work, and boy, it feels different from my practicum days.

My current job is something far from counseling, but it's a start. I guess.

Honestly speaking, I am feeling impatient somehow with my job. Maybe it differed so much from counseling or teaching that it made me feel like crying. Yes, I did hope I got a job in the field of education or administration, but Allah has written that life would go in this path for me.

My job description would be to assist my employer and help with sales. I also help out with a few tests and assessments and stuff like that. It's completely new for me, and to be honest, I don't feel like I am being beneficial. The only downside at the moment would be I find it hard to find the correct time to stop and pray or to even find a decent spot to pray, since the pantry room is always packed with stuff (Yes, the company is still brand new!).

Maybe I'm just being too impatient at the moment. I should really learn to hold it all in and be stronger! I still miss teaching, though, so I might consider teaching tuition. I should start looking for some teaching jobs, since I do not know when will I start to further my studies.

Keep on smiling, lovelies!

Speaking of furthering my studies, I should start applying to some universities now, but I am completely blank on which. I am still considering whether to continue with counseling, or pursue in psychology. I even considered going into education, like Teaching English as a Second Language (TESL) or maybe go into Counseling (Education). I also had thought about furthering into the realms of linguistics.

Ah. I have many things to sort in my life, don't I?

But, I won't quit. Never.

I still believe that I can be a clinical psychologist. Let's hope for the best and ask from Allah!

Everything comes from Him, and to Him we shall return! Happy grin.

And PS : It's almost the end of Ramadhan. Time flies so fast, doesn't it? And also, my convocation day is getting near! Smiles.

Interview.

I just got my first job interview after almost two months of being unemployed. Ah, the nerves! In reality, this isn't my first job interview. This is my second interview, and it is for a position that differs so much from my true nature, but it is best to learn something new, right?

To be honest, before the interview, my life was pretty bland. Nothing is exciting, and everything felt so out of place and so depressing. I guess I am really just the kind of girl who doesn't like to be inactive? Who knows. But that's how life was. The news of this job interview brought joy into my heart, knowing that this would be a chance to start anew and refresh. It is my first real job, and I swore to myself that I would try my best in it.

Unless you count being a trainee counselor as a job, I really don't have any working experience. After 3 years of studying counseling stuff, I had seem to cluster my mind only into the world of counseling, not giving it a chance to taste something outside of it. Which is pretty ironic, you know, since I am always the one who preaches and rambles on and on regarding people who did not widen their gaze and widen their scopes and interests.

Ah. I just hope this interview would go well. Because I will try my very best, far better than before. And yes, short update. Huzzahhhh!

Hospital stays

You know the thing about hospital stays for me?

It makes me reminisce the times where I took care of my late grandma. It was painful and sad to remember but other than that, it reminds me of how awesome nurses, doctors and everyone who are working in the medical field are.

Whenever I am staying at the hospital, whether for visiting purposes or to take care of someone, I would always make time to sit alone at the waiting area or go wander around in the wards and observe people. Hospitals are a nice place to observe people, because only there we are able to see people at their most vulnerable state.

I always like going to the hospital (mainly because I wanted to be a psychiatrist and work in hospitals -- but that ain't gonna happen now though), because there are so many people there. I love being in places with people, but hospitals are the best. Not because of the sick people, but just because of the pureness of the environment.

Hospitals can be very hectic sometimes (I think it would be all the time for the staff), but it is also a place to find solace -- well, that's how it is for me. You see, there's something unexplainable about hospital stays. I find it like a remedy for a broken heart, a broken soul, a broken spirit. In all my (little) experience of having to be at the hospital, I always come out from it with a higher sense of awareness about humanity.

I remember this one time I met an old lady who was at the hospital for her dialysis, and she was waiting for her son to pick her up. There was something in the way she talked that made me feel like life is all about appreciating everything, even the bad parts of it. And then while we were talking, there was this one staff who joined in as well. You see, there's nothing to be negative about when being in hospital.

There was also this one time when I was sitting outside alone, reading. It was quiet at the time, and I just needed some fresh air and some alone time. My mind was racing with thoughts, and I couldn't focus reading. At the time, there was not an atom of positivity inside my head. And then I looked around me, and I saw people with crutches, people with bandages, and there they are, still smiling. Still able to joke around and laugh.

Then I realize that life is how I perceive it to be.

Being at the hospital always reminds me about the little things in life. About being there for people. Being warm and loving. Being a person to another person. A person who shines the light in the life of others.

To all the medical staff, and hospital committee, thank you for shining us with the light of hope. Thank you for taking care of us, not only medically, but psychologically. Thank you for instilling positivity into our lives, changing our views into a wider vision and continuously giving us something to hold on to. When you're feeling tired of your work and job, remind yourself that you guys had given me a reason to keep on moving. A reason to still walk on this Earth and learn to shine for others just like how you had shined my life and gave it another breath.

PS : This is also goes to you, kakak. Congratulations on becoming a doctor, and hopefully you would be able to be a doctor for the Ummah as well!

Ho Chi Minh Trip II

I'll just let the pictures tell the story in this post today! And oh, I recommend Vietnam for your next trip! Hurhur! And no, it is not arranged in chronology. Too lazy to do that!

Inside the General Post Office.

The Cathedral, I think?

Free coconut drink after spending time at an island.

I love the food here; Out of this world!

Dusk. Well, I think so.

Urm. The opera house was it? Can't remember.

Community Hall.

The Cathedral again!

Again, inside the Post Office.

This park was beautiful!

The door was nice?

Hey, it's Ho Chi Minh city!

My mom's request.

Again. And oh, that's our tour guide's backside.

The cathedral was too beautiful to resist.

Mekong River

Mekong River

Mekong River

It was like a camp something.

Honey, honeycombs and warm tea. Delish!

Tadaaaaa~~

Post Office again. HAHAHA

Unicorn Island, I think that's the name?

We thought the building was beautiful.

Ah, Vietnam's sky.

Inside Ben Thanh Market.

Driver on the left!

Simply beautiful.

And voila! Not many pictures, but hey, there's my HCM update! Adieu!

Ho Chi Minh trip

It has been a wonderful 6 days trip to Ho Chi Minh (for a non-shopaholic like me, 6 days is really too long, since we didn't manage to venture farther beyond Saigon).

The thing about Ho Chi Minh was, I felt at home. To be honest, this wasn't the first time I went international. I went to Australia for a few months after SPM (this, I will talk about sooner or later), and it felt great to be out of Malaysia and expand my views of the world.

Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam.

I went there with my mom and my little sister. It was somewhat a birthday gift for my mom, and I had to be the tour guide. Speaking of tour guide, choose wisely. I had a great tour group. Well, it was supposed to be only us 3, but somehow the plan changed when we were invited to join into another Malaysian group. It was awesome though. I quite enjoy it.

The people of Saigon (Ho Chi Minh) really knew how to speak Malay. It was a shock to me, to be honest, at how well they can pronounce each word. Though some managed to get into Malay because of frequency, some manage to understand the language as a whole. It made me feel not far from home.

What I liked the most about Ho Chi Minh was the weather, the atmosphere and the coffee. Since I'm a coffee addict, my mom had to buy a few brands of Vietnamese coffee just for me. And to be honest, whenever she found any awesome coffee, she will automatically buy some for me, because I just love love love them! The weather there was nice. It rained once in a while, but it wasn't humid and yet the weather wasn't too cold. It was cool enough for me to enjoy every walk.

Another thing would be, I just love the architecture. Unlike Australia, I found the historical monuments and buildings in Ho Chi Minh to be very pretty and beautiful. They were created with such details, such craftmanship that I cannot help but to adore and be mesmerized. I even went twice to each building because it made me feel like as if the building is a part of my life. And it is now!

Our tour guides brought us to Cu Chi Tunnel. It was like a military place, or something. (I'm sorry, but I am really bad at remembering historical places. I can remember the name well, but not the story.) I enjoyed going there, but I am not a jungle person because insects creep me out. We also went to Mekong River and headed to -- I think I heard the name right -- Unicorn Island. It was an island adjacent to the port, and it took us only around 5 minutes to get to the boat port. And when I mean boat, I really meant sampan. As a person born in Borneo, sampan is something normal, but there was something different about the ride for me at the time.

I remember being mesmerized by that sampan ride. We were surrounded completely by only beautiful trees that I had never seen before -- or hard to see. I can still remember the joke that my tour guide told us before we went on our sampan ride : Unlike any other places where they have traffic jams on roads, we have traffic jams on this very river! Be very prepared for a massive hold-up!

It cracked us up, but it was true. We came across a standstill. It was hilarious, to be honest. After that, we went into the island and we get to taste the many wonderful tasty fruits on the island. I even bought some honey there, because it tasted so good! The island wasn't that big, but huge enough for us to venture. They even sold some souvenirs, some coconut candy (which is my favourite!) and other stuff. It was really awesome to be there, but mainly because we get to drink pure tea and taste some honeycomb honey!

Another thing that fascinated me was the position of the driver's seat. Haha. I know it's petty, but it was the first time I came across a left driver. It made sitting in the car or bus very awkward. The thing about HCM's traffic, there are more motorcycles rather than cars. Traffic jams aren't caused by cars, but rather, they are caused by motorcycles. It was a rare sight indeed!

6 days was awesome for me. Except, as I do not enjoy shopping, shopping places bore me. I enjoyed walking around Saigon, sitting at the park and watch people pass by. I simply enjoyed the views that I got from HCM.

Indeed, one day, I might go back there!

(And no, no pictures -- yet! Still too lazy to transfer any into my laptop!)